I say it. . . a lot
Blogroll
- A Darker Shade Of Blue
- A Day In MollyWood
- Arms Wide Open
- Autism Army Mom
- Babies and Bacon
- Bad Words
- Band Back Together
- Be Still A Minute
- Brady's Blog
- Daddy Runs A Lot
- Darn Near Domestic
- Good Girl Gone Redneck
- Heir to Blair
- Hormonal Imbalances
- Make Mommy Go Something . . .
- Mama Still Wears Gucci
- Momma Kiss
- My Words Fly Up
- Not Mommy Of The Year
- O My Family
- Our Lovely Life
- Ragamuffin Soul
- Tao Of Twins
- The Daily Dribbles
He Ain’t Heavy
Posted on | July 29, 2011 | 19 Comments
He’s my baby brother.
And although I’ve felt the urge to protect him over the years, I’ve never felt it like I did on Wednesday.
On Wednesday he woke up and his dog, Linus, was sick. On Tuesday Linus was fine. Wednesday he was not. So Bryan and his wife, Kerry took him to the vet. And by 2 o’clock that afternoon it was over.
And we were wrecked.
My brother was going through a horrible time in his life when he rescued Linus. He was living in a deep, dark well and struggling with many demons. I was 12 hours away and emotionally unavailable. I had no idea how to help, what to say, how to offer support. But as Bryan grew to love and care for Linus he learned to love and care for himself again. Linus helped bring Bryan back to us.
When I heard Bryan’s voice on the phone, telling me it was time, I felt a deep, primal urge to protect him. To run to him, be with him. To make this horrific event stop. Just stop. The only other times I’ve felt this was with my children. I wanted to do this terrible thing for Bryan. Take this pain from him, somehow make it easier for him.
But I could not. And I knew it.
After, he and Kerry came over. I don’t know who needed that more. Them or me. I just know that I was craving their presence in my home. I had to fight every urge I had to start baking cakes, making a pot roast, an apple pie for them. I wanted to wrap them in homey smells. Wrap them in love.
Instead I wrapped my arms around my baby brother and cried a little. Told him what a kind and loving thing he did. What a great thing he did. What a courageous and brave thing he did.
He says he knows it was the right thing, but I wonder, does he? Does he?
Does he know how kind and wonderful of man he’s become? How thoughtful, caring, selfless and insightful of a brother he’s grown into?
Does he know that I look at him and think, “He’s going to be an amazing father. Look at my children and how they love him. I can’t wait to see him look at his own child and fall utterly in love with them.”
Does he know that even though I tease him relentlessly about how literal and cerebral he is, I also know him to be one of the most intelligent, well read, and insightful people I know?
Does he know that although we don’t always agree, I always value his opinion?
And that I always, always love him.
Dear Linus,
Thank you. Rest in peace, sweet dog. You did wonders for our family. You’ll be remembered with much love and funny stories. You’ll be in our hearts forever.
Comments
19 Responses to “He Ain’t Heavy”
Subscribe! Read right from your e-mail
Hello, I’m Kim
I'm a survivor. A warrior. A woman, wife, mom, friend, sister. The best 'me' I've ever been. I lost 2+ years to severe depression & anxiety & now I'm healing. For the first time in years I'm awake. I blog to let others know that you are not alone. I thought I was. I'm here to tell you I was wrong. Join me in this crazy journey of new life, laughter & love with my three amazing kids, my awesome husband & my crazy brain.
Grab our Button
This. Just . . .this.
Must Reads
Blog Designer
July 29th, 2011 @ 8:29 AM
It’s so hard for me to read posts about the loss of a pet, because the loss of dog, last December, is still so fresh in my heart. I miss her on a daily basis.
This was a beautiful post. If your brother doesn’t read your blog, you should forward it to him.
Kim Reply:
August 1st, 2011 at 5:01 AM
I remember when you lost your sweet pup. We’d lost ours two years before. It is beyond awful.
July 29th, 2011 @ 8:55 AM
I knew reading this post was going to be hard because of putting my Devotion down in January. What you told him was SO important, because sometimes I still have weak moments where I think DID I do the right thing; even though I know I did. Prayers to your brother and family.
Kim Reply:
August 1st, 2011 at 5:02 AM
Thanks, Karen. I knew you’d understand. And way to sneak this comment in, right under my nose.
July 29th, 2011 @ 1:00 PM
I’m so sorry about Linus! Such a beautiful post but so sad! Pets can do amazing things in our lives and it sounds that Linus did just that for your brother {and all of you} ((hugs))
Kim Reply:
August 1st, 2011 at 5:02 AM
Thanks for your kind words. Linus did do incredible things.
Twitter: PapaKH2W
July 29th, 2011 @ 3:46 PM
You know… all dogs go to heaven.
Very sweet post.
Kim Reply:
August 1st, 2011 at 5:03 AM
July 29th, 2011 @ 4:32 PM
This was a beautiful post. RIP Linus, sweet doggie.
Kim Reply:
August 1st, 2011 at 5:03 AM
Thank you, Shana.
Twitter: babiesandbacon
July 29th, 2011 @ 11:47 PM
Sniff sniff. I need a box of Kleenex over here! Isnt it amazing how animals have the power to change our lives? My heart goes out to your brother and your family for losing such a wonderful friend. Bryan was lucky to have Linus and vice versa.
Kim Reply:
August 1st, 2011 at 5:04 AM
They do have such power, don’t they? (I’ll be calling/texting you soon, too.)
Twitter: lifeasaSAHM
August 12th, 2011 @ 11:36 PM
I love this and it made me tear up. You are such a wonderful writer. SO PROUD OF YOU for making this a part of BlogHer.
August 13th, 2011 @ 6:58 AM
Thanks, Diana. I cannot believe it. I can’t wait to tell him that so many people will hear about his love for Linus.
Twitter: Kizzbeth
August 13th, 2011 @ 5:30 PM
He knows. I’m sure he knows. It doesn’t help much but he knows.
So sorry for your loss.
Kim Reply:
August 16th, 2011 at 7:26 AM
It does help. And thank you.
Twitter: FiveSibesMom
August 13th, 2011 @ 6:36 PM
Such a sweet, loving, yet sad piece. I hope your brother takes comfort in knowing that Linus did his job – and now is watching over him from beyond the Rainbow Bridge, and I know how thankful he is that your brother was his hu-dad.
Kim Reply:
August 16th, 2011 at 7:26 AM
Ah, that Rainbow bridge. I have quite a few animals ove there. I’d almost forgotten about it. I’ll have to look it up and send it on to him. Thank you for the reminder. And thanks for coming over, reading and following. It means a lot to me.
August 13th, 2011 @ 8:49 PM
Crying over here! Bryan is very lucky to have much love surrounding him. It is very hard not to take on their pain as big sis and just make it go away – but we must let them live their lives – all of it – the easy and the hard times.